An Attitude of Gratitude
Written by Terence Gilbey
In last month’s newsletter we explored the power of meditation and finding one’s own rhythm by tuning inward and connecting with the natural cycles of the seasons. If you are in a time zone near Scotland, I hope you have had an opportunity to join us for our daily meditation and, if not, that you are following us on Instagram to receive inspiration drawn from our co-founder, Eileen Caddy (1). The guidance documented by Eileen during her life is so thoughtful. Even decades after it was first penned, it has resonance. I am continually surprised and delighted by how perfectly it synchronises with whatever I am facing in my life and how taking a moment to reflect on her simple messages can change the course of my day.
Meditation is a powerful tool; a practice that creates resilience, stability and peace. I know that when I reflect and meditate regularly, I am able to calm my nervous system and connect to my inner wisdom more easily. This conscious awareness gives me a new perspective and helps me to recognise just how much of life is shaped by the choices I make, including the words I use, the thoughts I focus on, the emotions I feel (or resist), the beliefs I hold, and the actions I take.
One of the core principles of the Findhorn Foundation is a commitment to ‘Work as Love in Action’. This is a tenet rooted in making a conscious choice to put love at the centre of what, how, and why we do what we do. Lately, in our retreats, participants report that the idea of ‘Work as Love in Action’ is a compelling ideal to strive for, yet in practice, it can actually be quite difficult. They recognise that there is a vulnerability when they open to love in a world which seems rife with reactivity and divisiveness, it can actually feel quite scary to do so.
Connecting to our hearts and opening to love is a particularly poignant topic at this time of year.
As we enter the month of December, many of us are preparing for year-end holidays and festivities, and much of the messaging in the airwaves is about love, hope, and unity. Sadly, for some people, these messages can feel contrived as they magnify feelings of disconnection, frustration, and anxiety. Research shows that the end-of-year holidays can actually bring up uneasy, unhappy, and dissatisfied moods, as well as loneliness, substance abuse, and relationship conflict (2). For countries that celebrate Christmas, studies show that the pre-Christmas hustle is a yearly source of stress for people and can actually lead to a measurable decrease in life-satisfaction and emotional well-being as compared to other times of the year – especially if the focus is on the secular, material aspects of the holiday (3). After all, it can be quite a process to get the perfect gifts wrapped under the tree! All of this to say, if you are feeling overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and unhappy, then you are not alone.
I relate to those of you who might be struggling at this time of year, and understand how challenging it can be when what you are feeling and experiencing is out of sync with what everyone around you seems to be focused on. For many years of my life, I simply endured the celebrations and frivolity of December. Circumstances in my life had branded December with an unshakable sadness and heavy energy that ran so deep, it felt like it rested in my bones. Every year, like clockwork, the twinkling lights, ringing bells, and relentless music carols just emphasised my grief, and the people around me struggled to understand what I was going through. Because of this, I know first-hand how easy it is to get caught up in the pressure to embody certain ebullient expectations, while experiencing deep disappointment when it feels like all you can do is go through the motions. And I know how easy it is to feel isolated and trapped in your own swirling thoughts and emotions. For me, I fluctuated between feeling too much, and going totally numb. I could see how my disconnection was leading to even more disconnection and, in that, I understood what it felt to be truly ‘disheartened’. Have you ever felt that way – almost as if your heart has shut down? I know I have.
The good news is that there is a ‘lifeline’ available to us when we are feeling low – if we are willing to grab it. At the Findhorn Foundation, we believe the antidote to the cycle of disconnection and disillusionment rests in ‘Love in Action’ – specifically, taking intentional, aligned action in our own lives to shift back into connection with ourselves, others, nature, and Spirit. Our teachings and practices, such as meditation, inner listening, co-creating with nature, service to community, and connecting to one’s own life rhythm ultimately support deeper connection. They all rely on having the courage and willingness to take loving action – first for yourself by doing the inner work, and then for the people and planet around you. We believe each one of us has the opportunity to take that first step in our lives which will actually be a giant leap. Just as our co-founder Eileen Caddy said:
“You are in this world to bring good into it. You are here to radiate love, light, and wisdom to all those souls in need. You have work to do, and you can do this work only when you have sorted yourself out and can become one with the whole, when you no longer stand apart and criticise and separate yourself … You can change your whole attitude and outlook in the twinkling of an eye. Why not do it? Get into tune with all life, and find that peace which passes all understanding.”
– Opening Doors Within: 365 Meditations from Findhorn, 03/08
Interestingly, it is often conscious, loving action that is directed outward that can disrupt the vicious internal cycle of reactivity, sadness, and ennui, and begin to soften and open our hearts. It’s as if by taking the attention off of ourselves, we can interrupt the cycle of disconnection. For me, I learned that gratitude was the key to finally unlocking and transforming my December woes. It wasn’t always easy, but when I took action to identify and focus on what I was grateful for, my perspective and energy began to shift and I was finally able to bring in loving kindness and forgiveness for myself and others. I learned that even if I couldn’t be grateful for my exact circumstances, I was always able to come up with a person, interaction (no matter how brief), animal encounter, or aspect of nature that I was grateful for. And once I had even the smallest seed of gratitude to start from, it would snowball from there. The more I focused on what I was grateful for, the more grateful I became. As American author and minister Norman Vincent Peale said,
… [it is] a basic law: the more you practise the art of thankfulness, the more you have to be thankful for. This, of course, is a fact. Thankfulness does tend to reproduce in kind. The attitude of gratitude revitalises the entire mental process by activating all other attitudes, thus stimulating creativity.
Gratitude shifts our entire mental – and emotional – process and stimulates creativity, which is further reiterated by spiritual teacher Deepak Chopra, who writes:
Gratitude opens the door to … the power, the wisdom, the creativity of the universe. You open the door through gratitude.
The connection between gratitude and creativity is exciting because creativity opens us to the realm of possibilities, and is energising and revitalising. It is the key element we need to move from a fixed, reductive and destructive mindset, and into an expansive, generative, growth-mindset. When we can be creators in our lives, we are no longer victims to circumstance and are empowered to choose how we want to respond to life and what we want to feel and think (4). In the 1950s, Norman Vincent Peale was best known for popularising the concept of ‘the power of positive thinking’, and I would go further to say that there is not only power in positive thinking, but in positive feeling, believing, speaking, and acting. When we are able to shift our perspective through gratitude and bring creativity into our lives, we can tap into the strength and vulnerability of an open heart and find our way back to love.
Living a life of gratitude is about appreciating what you have and releasing the fears of not having or being enough; it means noticing and valuing the good things and people in your life, no matter how big or small. This December, I invite you to remember the self-help adage, ‘where your attention goes, your energy flows’. If you find yourself focusing on how the events of this year and holiday season have disappointed you, take a moment to reorient and give yourself the gift of gratitude. Before you know it, you will transform your life by bringing love into action.
“It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.”
Opening Doors Within: 365 Daily Meditations from Findhorn, by Eileen Caddy (1986, 1999. 2019)
“The Christmas Effect on Psychopathology,” Innovative Clinical Neuroscience (2011)
“Christmas and Subjective Well-Being - A Research Note,” Applied Research in Quality of Life (2015)
See The Power of TED – The Empowerment Dynamic, by David Emerald, or The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, by Diana Chapman, Jim Dethmer, and Kaley Klemp of The Conscious Leadership Group for more information and resources about Stephen Karpman’s ‘drama triangle’ and associated empowerment dynamic.
